I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
