Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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