just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
