im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
