your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
