why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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