There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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