No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
