Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
