Your dad touched me again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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