i think i have two assholes
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
