wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
