just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
