Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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