how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
