Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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