I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
