i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up under a house in Key West
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
