I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
