I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
