I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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