we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
