Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
