Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
