Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
