Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
