We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize