I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
