please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
