Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
