Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I won the penis lottery.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
