He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
