You're my little dorito
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
