so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
