I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
