I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
