now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
