sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
