He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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