i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
