so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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