Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
