i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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