If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He? As in you personified your dick?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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