Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
