i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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