You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We got so high we made milksteak
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
