they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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