Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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