i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
