Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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