I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I just shit out all my problems.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
