I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
