I just saw a hot homeless man
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
