I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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