Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
