Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
