I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
