and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
