I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
