I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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