I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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