Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
