pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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