In the future we'll all be gay
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
