a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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