The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
