do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize