So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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