Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Randomize
