About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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