I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
