I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Drunk is not a location!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize