i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
