I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
