Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
