My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
