so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just high enough for therapy.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
