Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
