Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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