I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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