i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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