while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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