I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
