Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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