Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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