i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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