I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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