You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
