hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
