If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
