he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
