after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
please don't ironically join a cult
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