TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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