get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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