I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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