Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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