I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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