I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
