since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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