dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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