apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
