I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
